im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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