Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize
