Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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