My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
