he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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