I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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