my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
