Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
She bit a glass in half.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
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