hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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