I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
