Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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