Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
