how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
