she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
