the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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