i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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