I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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