So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
