ya dads aren't the best wingmen
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
