Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
