no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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