Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
