after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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