i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
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