my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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