Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
We left the knife in your bed.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
