I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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