How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Randomize
