after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Randomize
