Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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