they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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