butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
