a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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