when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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