Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
