Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Randomize
