"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
the condom got lost in my hair
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
