Tell her she can't have a vagina
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
