sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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