I'm sorry my penis didn't work
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
