is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Randomize
