wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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