Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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