you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
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