The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
