I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
