I just cut my nipple shaving
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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