We are two peas in an std pod
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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