sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
