If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
