I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
