I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Well douche your snatch and let's go!
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
