"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Randomize
