I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
