and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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