Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
