Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
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