A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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