I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
