He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
