You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize