how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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