she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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